Then, in a moment, everything changed.
There was a light breeze, which entangled itself in her long locks of brown curls. The sun shone through the clouds lighting up her crystal blue eyes. Clutching her wool coat with one hand, nails painted red, the other was raised in the air in such a seemingly delicate manner, that it appeared as though she were royalty. Her face seemed to be perfectly cut in the cold air, and her skin shone perfectly in the light.
Had I had a piece of paper and a pen with me, I would have asked for her autograph.
But the breeze died down, the clouds covered the sun, and her moment of fame was gone. However, it will always be engrained in my memory.
Even ordinary people are extraordinary... even if it's only for a moment.
There was a light breeze, which entangled itself in her long locks of brown curls. The sun shone through the clouds lighting up her crystal blue eyes. Clutching her wool coat with one hand, nails painted red, the other was raised in the air in such a seemingly delicate manner, that it appeared as though she were royalty. Her face seemed to be perfectly cut in the cold air, and her skin shone perfectly in the light.
Had I had a piece of paper and a pen with me, I would have asked for her autograph.
But the breeze died down, the clouds covered the sun, and her moment of fame was gone. However, it will always be engrained in my memory.
Even ordinary people are extraordinary... even if it's only for a moment.
Aaaaaahhhhhhhh. . . . .
ReplyDeletesara. you should come over to the dark side. the night spektors.
ReplyDeleteThis is incredible. I can only wonder how you came up with this poem. Taking a random moment and looking at it in a different light is just amazing and you describe it so well I get a really good image in my head.
ReplyDelete5/5!
Awwww! This is really sweet Sara! Your such an amazing writer. Where do you get the inspiration for these things?
ReplyDeleteBeautiful... simply spectacular.
ReplyDeleteThat having been said, all of which I completely support, by the way, aren't there just "a few" extraneous words in this poem? Remember that poetry asks for an economy of words. So why don't we all weed this poem out together?
ReplyDeleteIt really is a good poem, Sara.
I'll go first:
ReplyDeleteShe was only an ordinary woman waiting to catch a taxi
could become
An ordinary woman hailing a cab
or
Just an ordinary woman catching a cab
or if she called ahead for the cab
An ordinary woman waiting for a cab
I'm just putting it out there.
There was a light breeze, which entangled itself in her long locks of brown curls could become
ReplyDelete"A light breeze entangled itself in long locks of brown curls"
or
"Long locks of brown curls became entangled with a breeze"
It is a very well written poem and I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteAh, good suggestions! I definitely see your points! And thanks for the feedback!
ReplyDelete